No more page 3. That’s the wonderful news this morning. This doesn’t mean, like floor thirteen in skyscapers, that when you open your newspaper in the morning you’ll be jumping weirdly from page 2 to page 4 – page 3 will literally still exist. Rather it means the sexist imagery that has become so firmly (pertly? impertinently?) associated with page 3 down the ages has been kicked into the long grass. This is a resounding win for the nomorepage3 campaigners, who will no doubt be bouncing (hur hur) for joy this morning, after struggling to get getting off on young women’s chests off the nation’s chest for getting on 3 years now.

We must also congratulate Rupert Murdoch for making the decision too. Let’s not forget, ‘page 3’ was Rupert’s baby, it was how (unfortunately) he revived the waning circulation of the Daily Herald, renaming it The Sun in 1964 just a few short years before those first bare breasts began their long reign of pollution and bullying (of all the other girls not on page 3, and the otherwise reasonable and light-touch regulated expectations of the nation’s men folk). Getting rid of his baby must’ve been hard. Just how hard is apparent from the last minute bid he entered into to re-conceptualise instead of dumping the format altogether. What about some weird bands covering up the offending regions? 

A more irreverent, punky, French cartoony type page 3? Hebdo it!!!!! People are creaming their pants for that shit right now!!!!!!!

Fortunately for the nation, saner heads prevailed and the absolute and total abandonment of the squalid idea won out.

Goodbye Nikki, 21, from Todmorden, you were always wrong about David Cameron anyway. And virtually everything else. So you won’t be bloody missed.